Relationship Auditing!

Relate And Love Your Life!

Every relationship has its ability to benefit your life or leave you bereft of life. And from time to time you need to check on your personal life how each relationship has helped you make definite progress and if there are changes you might need to make. Weighing your progress helps you see which relationships deserve an auditing attention. Carrying on with relationships that do not add to your life is carrying unnecessary bag gages and dragging them into your future. First of all, you need to break it down, create rooms with tags for the people that you come in contact with each day and then categorize them into the rooms you have created. Each room should have its name tagged – friends, acquaintances, family(church or groups), colleagues etc, This way you will find out which group take up your time most and in what ways they affect your energy levels, and measure  what you get from them in terms of benefits or bereavements  then decide who to keep and who to avoid.

You can measure your relationships by checking out your feeling after being with someone or chatting with them. That’s; if what you feel is happy and lively after seeing them or talking to them, then they are good influence or if what you feel is energy zapped, hey they are draining the life out of you!

Some people can be so beneficial in your life in many ways but you need to find your common ground – what do you do together that brings relevant into your life. There might be someone you talk to when you are down because the person has the ability to spring back life into you with words of encouragement while another might be someone you go to gym or study with. You need to look out for in a relationship what is missing in your life before deciding on who to accept into your life and what category they fit in.

Don’t make the mistake of making everyone you meet your friend; define the relationships and its relevance. If there is no need in your life for that person to fulfilled, then get rid of the extra baggage. If they are not useful, who needs their uselessness? Be discipline enough to know when to do some auditing in your relationships from time to time because they are people that will come into your sphere of contact just for a season or for a specific purpose. So you need to know this and let go when the time or project is over - don’t try to make your visiting career coach your friend, if you get what I mean. Don’t start having unexpressed expectations when after the training period they leave and not return your calls anymore, you start carrying that hurt around with you like a suitcase.

They are times you might need to move on from your class of friends in college. Yeah, sometimes your histories are so great, you don’t want to lose that but seriously, you no longer have a present together and if there is nothing in common with you guys now, the easiest option is to phase it out. You don’t need to make any more arrangements trying to catch up with old times gone stale – eventually the message will be registered.

Another sign of baggage is trying to meet up with a friend who is no longer on the same page with you. It is more stark when you both started out on a similar level but now your  friend has an amazing job, a fantastic accommodation, or a rich husband. Instead of gauging your own life using your friend’s success level and becoming envious of your friend’s fabulous lifestyle putting yourself through a case of reference anxiety with resentfulness, it is better you reach out for your level.

I remember having a friend who was not only very negative and downright draining but cleverly undermining and each time I have been with her I will feel worse at the end because I had spent the entire hour or day trying either to be very defensive of her negative insinuations and presumptuous allegations or arguing about something we can’t agree on. I had no identity with her, all I was when am with her was who she perceived me to be. Baggage! Trust me I don’t need someone so toxic in my life!

These are friends you don’t and can’t afford to have around you – Negative, argumentative, needy and energy draining friends. They are always despising your best efforts, they don’t see anything good about you, they feel they are better than you and your life should of necessity gravitate towards them. They are heart-sink friends who make you groan once they are at your doorstep. They filled you in with their problems and that’s all you will talk and worry about – their own problems! They will never be interested in hearing your own serious issues but consuming your time with their issues is what makes them fulfilled. Sometimes they are very needy they make you feel guilty for not visiting or calling them. You know quite alright you ought to call or visit but you don’t want to and you should rather not!

It’s time to do that auditing and identify who should make it into your inner circle or remain as an acquaintance, don’t you think? Get on with it and stop that clinginess of trying to hold on to the relationships that are not just working to your profit just because you are afraid to be alone.